Evening thoughts and leadership

I start write my blod in English, because I know some my friends from other countries want to read it =)

Now is exacly DDL to apply as a faci of NH 2009. I sent my application form for TR track yesterday. Today woke up and felt that something is not done yet. Later I discobered what. All the time I was thinking to which track to apply. In one case it's visible where I can pass through all criterias - TR track. From the other all the time I had a feeling I want to facilitate leadership. I read criterias and discovered I have 3 months less LR XP then it is required... What to do? I sent it... I just want to be sure I used all chances to make hapen thing I really want even if it one chance from the million...

Truely to say I'm quite depressed last days because FallCo was the third conference I was applying and not selected. So I don't know what will be if I'm not selected for any track of NH. I'm not weak person to be depressed long time I just affraid because all this failiers I'm loosing my motivation and passion to work I do... And that's I'm affraid the most, because it infuences not only on me but on people with whom I work and for our results. So fingers crossed and waiting annoucement =)

This thoughts about leadership track were guiding me to another thoughts actually if I really can facilitate this track and all the day I was thinking a lot what is leadership for me, how to lead people, work with team, who is leader.

I was thinking all the day, memorizing all my time in AIESEC, teams, OCPs, EBs and LCPs I was working with. So just want to share some my thoughts here.

I think for me from the every beginning role model in leadership is our Tanichka. I never see her shouting on someone or pushing. Always positive approach and practically invisible facilitating and encouragement to achieve more, great relationships with everyone and comfortable atmosphere to work. Now when I'm in EB I'm trying to use the same approach in work with my OCP and hope I'll use it in further work with my ICX teams and further OCPs. I prommised to myself even if it will be hard never use negative approach. I just felt it twice on my skin and after that I was thinkig if to stay in AIESEC or not. Once it was really long and serious thoughts and I was very close to leave organization. After that I just prommised to myself not to use such kind of approach, because I don't want to make people feel what I was feeling and don't want someone leave AIESEC because I'm not able to motivate people in other way.

I don't know if I'm good now in work with people and coaching or not, because unfortunately nnone can't give me evaluation. But I'll see it in a few weeks or month when will be realization of our WWB autumn and my team will bring first results. Only becoming EB I've discovered that use positive approach and lead in such way as Tanya is much more harder then negative approach. But I'm really trying harder and trying to learn different methods of positive influence and approach. It takes much more emotions, much more energy but it halps to have good atmoshpere in work with people.

If you are EB you are here not for numbers. You are here to develop people, organization and yourself through development of 2 previous. What right I have to shout on people if we work in AIESEC as volunteers. For me negative approach means that leader is too weak or too lazy to find how to motivate person in positive way, how to show that is needed and important, how to work with that person and how to make person want to achieve the result even when this person even don't suspect someone else motivated and pushed her.

Leader is not to give the tasks and to be higher. Leaders is to serve the rest to develop themselves and support achieving results. Leader is not separate from the team. He is in team and with team all the time to encourage,support, track, inspire, show opportunities, guide, facilitate in decition making, show the ways that for the rest are invisible, help in proffecional and personal development and show opportunities.

It's hard work to be leader. You should be always role model and sometimes people don't understant that noone is perfect. You should be always motivated, because in other case noone will be. You should believe in results, because if not noone will be and even noone will be working for this results. Sometimes you have to make hard decitions, explain why it is needed to be done even the rest don't want. You are responseble for atmoshere in team, results, people, their development and their future. And here you can write much much more.

But in other case leadership XP is the most exciting that is possible, because together with your team you have opportunity to change, to make something that the rest think is impossible, to make some positive impact, to help people grow and develop, discover potential, to find new solutions and a lot of things more.

I now I still have a lot to learn and improve, but last month I feel I move in right direction and just want to be such leader as leader in my vision. In 2 weeks our LC will have new members and I'm worring a bit how everything will be, what they will think about me as a leader. Also I still don't know how our oldies see me as a leader.I hope they see. So now is period when I need to try even harder, but I have a feeling I'll achieve =)